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Sunday, October 21, 2012

D Day

It started as any other day. With sightless industry I worked my way through the caverns and passageways that my comrades and I had created over many cycles, largely undisturbed. I knew the sun had risen due to the increased warmth of the earth within which I dwelt but had no concept of the time. The first I knew of the invasion was a blunt metal object plummeting past me and through one of the many unnamed family members who share this underground world with me. My first instinct as always when threatened was to dive. Digging and squirming down through the earth and yet despite my best efforts I was unceremoniously lifted with mountainous clumps of dirt tossed to the ground, plant roots tangled around the metal device and the searing heat of the sun scorched my unaccustomed skin. The scene that awaited me was truly terrifying. 

A giant or demi-god as they would come to call it, with a pitchfork in one hand and secateurs in the other lent over our home with what is hard to describe. Not murderous intent surely, this beast was not a vicious killer. It was however without compassion, how could it have any? In its bulky mass it has but one heart! Its limited comprehension of what dwelt below the surface of our world meant that we were all in mortal danger.

The mass exodus of cockroaches was the first visible reaction to the intruder. They fled like the cowards that they are from the underbrush. With somewhat guilty satisfaction I noticed that their scuttling desertion alerted the birds and distracted them from my brothers and I writhing on the ground. They swooped from the tree branches and snatched the nasty turn-coats before they reached the safety of the next garden bed.     

The snail, General Eran Spahbod is our head of homeland defence - not, I will admit in hindsight, the greatest choice, however the list of volunteers for this position is highly limited and what he lacks in speed he makes up for in spirit. His final stand was much like that of King-Kong standing atop the Empire State Building however, the only tall structure available was the particularly long stem of a galanthus which swayed precariously under his considerable bulk. As he reached his antennae skyward in brave defiance, the demi-god plucked him from his perch and placed him in amongst some greenery some way away. It was a tactical error on behalf of the giant to let him live for at that moment General Spahbod vowed to devour every lettuce that the giant planted from this day forth.

It was not as I had hoped the end of the nightmare on that fateful day. I could only watch as the earth was continuously heaved upwards with so much force that my comrades clung to whatever they could. Our heritage listed weeds, older than time itself were upended, ripped from their very roots. Brother Slater, head of the sect of the golden woodlice cowered in fear wrapping around himself in a perfect sphere. No doubt his thoughts were consumed by the seven mantis of the apocalypse. I attended to one of the wounded as best I could. Since he was sliced in half he was crawling with determination in two different directions and with no little effort I managed to shepherd him back together

Now that the earth was turned upside down, alien plants were forced into the caverns deliberately created by an unforgiving trowel. No doubt these plants were edible for the giant but we have yet to see if they are nontoxic to us as well. Then came the flood.

Big unnatural droplets from the end of a worn green hose, they fell with violence turning the earth to mud. It crushed Lepidoptera the unfortunate moth. Until this point, she had been peacefully sleeping through all the mayhem, her nocturnal habits weakened her defences in comparison to her cousins the butterflies who had left earlier in the day to find flowers. The dust coating her silver grey wings was shed over the muddy ground  and she thrashed in terror before ceasing all movement. So, in a different sense, she peacefully slept once more.

Finally a calm overcame the garden. The giant stood wiping its brow, leaving behind it a smear of earth like battle paint across it's fearsome face. It called out to its mate who came, placing an arm around the other and speaking words of encouragement. "Baby, it looks fantastic! I can't wait to try the tomatoes when they are grown. " I sighed inwardly. This exchange gave me the solace that whatever ends the giant was attempting to meet were done, now we could rebuild in peace. As I dove through the now soft earth I thought I heard "I think tomorrow I start on the carrots". My cold blood ran colder and I shuddered. I pray I was wrong and that we won't have to live this horror again tomorrow.              

xox
Jane







Thursday, October 18, 2012

Glam

This month I have been on fire buying beauty products and indulging my girly side. I got a hair cut with a fringe which I have decided this morning that I do actually like. The jury was out after the nanna blow wave she gave me but after washing it, it looks much more like me.  I bought a DIY acrylic nail set, eye lash curler and bb cream. I never spend money on stuff like this. I have never in my life owned an eye lash curler. I used it last night to see what it was like and I can't see any difference to be honest. The bb cream seemed ok, just like tinted moisturizer really. I guess though that you don't know if these creams work until a week later when you break out - which I did - and now it is too late. I don't think it had anything to do with the amazing amount of junk food that has been rocking around my house. Sometimes my cupboards look like I am preparing for a kids birthday party (especially when chocolate biscuits are on sale - the man loves them).

I am excited about the acrylic nails. I had to wait 2 weeks for postage from Hong Kong, which is so long and it never came. The ebay seller is sending it again but I hate waiting. It is possible that I will burn my nails with the primer, turn my nails yellow because of the undoubtedly poor quality acrylics or cause a fungal/bacterial infection. My friend who is a nail-tech has threatened to fly here to take it off me. Which is fine actually, she can do my nails while she is here. As with so many of my projects - I will get bored eventually (hopefully before I do any damage) but I just want to know if I can do it.


Actually I haven't been bored much seeing as the last month has been crazy at our house. Good but crazy. I graduated on the 11th of September (ended up being the 12th but I will cry about that some other day) so mum and dad were here - awesome. We threw our late house warming in two parts: friends and family on two separate weekends... I will not be entertaining again for a long time but it was so much fun having everyone visit our place. One of the man's uncles house is going to auction next week so they have been working like maniacs to get that all cleaned. Because they are just around the corner they come to our place for dinner. That has been fun actually because I get to practice my cooking. I helped with some of the house and garden cleaning and even though I don't feel like I helped all that much, I was sore for the next couple of days.

Speaking of gardening! I say this every week and it doesn't happen but I am hell-bent on this weekend being a ZERO commitment weekend. I am not planning to do anything but play in my garden, clean the house and practice my guitar lessons. I need to get a wriggle on if I am going to have veges by Summer so gardening is a must. I won't be growing any cabbage though, I am still drowning in cabbage. I have 2 big red ones and half a green left and I am worried I will get another one on Wednesday. I am running out of things to do with them. Braised cabbage doesn't sound very good and I just did some research on sauerkraut and that looks like a lot of work for something I don't have good memories of anyway.

xox
Jane

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

No pill for lazy

I hate waking up. I simply hate it! I am groggy and cranky and it is cold outside of my super warm doona-cocoon. What is with people who can jump out of bed and dive into their day? I don't understand it! They are out jogging in the morning sun, catching up on household chores, eating breakfast and getting to work on time while I am still in bed. I miss breakfast... a lot. I thought maybe there was something medically wrong with me ... like sleep apnea or a strange circadian rhythm because there are cures for that. As it turns out there is no pill to cure lazy. So I have been doing some research on how to motivate myself out of bed and here is what I found:




One blog by Vincent Cheung gives a pretty logical method for waking up (actually the whole article is really interesting). I tried it this morning and did actually get out of bed so it has worked for one morning. I will keep trying to see if I can stretch it to a whole week!
"I use a very simple system that can be done by even the most frugal of people. I can't remember when I first started doing this, but it's been at least 7 years. Here's what you do:
  1. Set an alarm to go off before the latest time you want to wake up.
    • Make the alarm really quiet radio or music.
  2. Set a second alarm to go off at the latest time you want to wake up.
    • This is your regular alarm that will wake you up no matter what."
Another idea that I found was around the concept that if you have to do a puzzle in the morning it will help to wake up your mind. Like wake up and play a couple of games of sudoku on your phone... I did give it a try ... sort of... I woke up a bit, glared at my alarm clock, glanced at my phone, considered picking up my phone, hit the snooze button on the alarm clock and went back to sleep. That is where puzzle clocks come in.
The puzzle explodes in the morning and you have to put it back together before the alarm will stop.
This rocket alarm made me giggle too:




But I decided to buy this one (it was only $15 so not a massive investment). It is supposed to fire the spinning thing into the air and let it buzz around the room. You have to catch it and return it to the base before the alarm will stop.





The man thinks that more than likely he will be the one who has to run around the bedroom after it. He might be right. I should maybe get him a shotgun... he he
Photo from here (not sure if it is copyright or not)
The last phase of my get up early campaign is: Jerry Seinfeld's Productivity Secret . The main idea is that you get a year calendar and put a cross every day that you do whatever it is that is your goal to do. Sorry that is a terrible sentence. So every day that I get up early I can mark on my calendar with the aim of keeping the chain going without breaking it. So I have one cross... hopefully tomorrow I will have 2!

Talk again soon!
Jane 

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