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Monday, February 28, 2011

Windows 8 - it was my idea

I think I may have stumbled on the invention of a lifetime... Microsoft I hope you are reading this because it is going to be worth millions:

© 2011 by me!

The dumb-ass filter. I want my Outlook to filter emails based on the general intelligence of the sender. I also want to be able to set this filter based on my level of tolerance. It would be best actually if it was dynamic and changed with my mood.

For example... sender with low intelligence (complete dumb-ass if you will) has sent a really unimpressive email to my inbox which will a. annoy me, b. destroy the entire day due to unnecessary correction of said dumb-ass' actions, c. cause unnecessary headache in trying to decipher confusing language and or sentences, or d. all of the above

The filter is able to, based on my tolerance factor either destroy the email before it reaches me, stores it somewhere safe until I am in a better state of mind or send a response with some sort of kind message which won't make the dumb-ass feel too bad:
"We regret to inform you that your email has been flagged as "Stupid" and as such has been destroyed. Kindly re-think your position and try again"

Now the important bit... because I think that flagging an email as "to stupid to be received" should be relatively easy just by a standard IQ test, identification of excessive exclamation points or the use of a smiley face in a professional communication. So... how do you set a tolerance level? I think it would need to gauge important factors such as: how much caffeine is currently present in my blood, how many similar emails have messed up my day, whether I have had enough sleep the night before, whether the sender is a repeat offender... there are a lot of important considerations here! We might need to invest in a super computer to calculate the tolerance factor. I just did a very quick bit of research and apparently we can build this supercomputer by making a Play Station 3 cluster... just need to group a collection of PS3's together in an array so that their processing power can be used concurrently. See? Not just a pretty face! Should cost about $2500 (USD?)... anyone want to invest?

It will prevent the following:





and


(Meanwhile you know you have felt this way before)

Thank you for listening to me vent ... as you can tell I have had a stupid email (or more) today which has well and truly destroyed my getting-home-on-time-dreams. Judging by that annoying "ding" sound I just got another one... Awesome.

P.s my exam today went OK :)

xox Love to all
Jane

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

My Sydney Adventure Explained

I want to tell you about my trip to Sydney but first: if you want to try something that will annoy the cr@p out of you check out this annoying website. I don't know how the gopher knows... but he knows. I have tried the stupid thing about 15 times and every time he gets it right. Actually I just did 2 at once and I think I know the trick. How frustrating!

So in other news... I spent 2 days in Sydney in order to have a look around and see if I could live there. I am a big fan of the beach culture and some of the suburbs I am interested in are very pretty. I am a little torn because Melbourne has a brilliant social/cafe/food culture which I absolutely adore but Sydney has a beach/city/hectic feel and I could absolutely see myself there. Melbourne style is interesting and European while Sydney style seems to be more sleek. I counted 35 ladies wearing pencil skirts and super high heels while I had a 10 minuet coffee in a cafe fronting onto the street (which by the way is a bit difficult to find in Sydney while there are literally hundreds of them in Melbourne). I think my style is... well, frumpy actually. Here in Melbourne this is read as being eclectic or alternative... in Sydney I am pretty sure they will see right through it and there will be a big neon sign over my head saying "Tight-Ass". I like spending my money on doing things, not clothes or make-up. There are many aspects to my personality but I am very 2 dimensional when it comes to the way I look. Meanwhile, peroxide and I are getting along quite well for now although I am sure that when my hair starts to fall out I will have a different opinion on our relationship.

So the biggest factor I think will be cost. From what I can tell, property in Sydney is a whole lot more expensive and I am not even talking about a comparison with what I have now, I mean that, even if I am willing to take a substantial lifestyle cut (which I am not 100% sure I am ok with), I will still end up paying 20 - 30% more for a dodgy rental. Gutted.

There were 2 giant ships which were docked in the harbour on Tuesday. So fantastically massive to the point that it looks as though their very existance is in defiance of the laws of physics. I mean... how do they stay boyant? (I know... its all about being less dense than the water, I did pass Science at school). They were so impressive and there was a parade of people who had come to the city to see them. I spent the day cruising around on public transport and on one bus I overheard a lady saying "Isn't it sad that it is raining for all those people on the ships. It would be nice for them to see Sydney at it's best". To be honest, up until that point I didn't even notice the weather and I did not realise that it had been raining. How is that for Melbourne conditioning? I spent no more than 2 hours in one location all day. Manley - Dee Why - City - Bondi - Coogee (my favorite!) - City - Domestic Airport - Melbourne Airport - Home to feed the cats - finally Kew for dinner with a friend (because there was no food in the house) and crashed there because I could not bear to travel one more metre! Very big day! The trains were kind of cool in Sydney. They were double decker ones so you can pick if you want to sit on the top or bottom. I picked the top so in the brief moments when it wasn't in a tunnel I could see everything. Interestingly the creaking of the train sounded like children screaming... is it a sign? I don't know why I bother thinking like that, I ignore signs all the time and everything seems to have worked out so far.

I spent most time in the airport though because my plane was delayed. I spent the boring wait time just looking at people. There was a sweet looking older man sitting next to me in a business suit wearing a pink bow tie. Seriously the most neglected of all ties but so unbelievable awesome! A guy standing next to me was complaining on the phone. I wrote down what he said because at the time it was the most interesting thing I had heard for the entire hour I had been waiting for the plane:

"They left us standing in the sun because there was no one at the airport and the only reason that I didn't miss this flight is because it was delayed. That means my journey will be longer so make sure there is some tonic in the fridge otherwise it will mean instant divorce."


Tonic? Must be for gin right? Up until the word divorce I seriously thought he was talking to me... hands free mobile phone things are so stupid.

This guy looked so uncomfortable I had to take a photo. It's not a good photo because I was pretending to read a message while I took it... incognito photograph:



So that was my exciting trip to Sydney. It was fun actually but a lot of hard work (John Travolta announced the saftey message both ways so I guess I flew on an A380? Since when is he known for safety? I do understand that he is a pilot but I just don't think I realised that he was an ambassador for air-safety).

The clip below is completely unrelated but it is a viral clip that my friends and I at the moment are a bit obsessed with (Warning - the first couple of seconds are relatively PC but I feel it's necessary to let you know that it degrades from there and becomes really... rude, disgusting and weird):



xox Love to all
Jane

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Sydney Adventure

I was in Sydney for the last 2 days. I promise I will write about it but here are the photos for now. Actually the weather left a little to be desired so please excuse all of the grey!






























Had a brilliant time! I think I might have found a new city to fall in love with!
Love to all
Xox
Jane

Monday, February 14, 2011

Dillweed? Oh right... Dilbert

Ha! Couldn't find this website because I thought the guys name was Dillweed. Apparently, Dillweed:
belongs to the same family as the carrot or parsley
Or

Dillweed was popularized by the Beavis and Butt-head TV series, it is a derogatory term used to describe irrational/dumb behavior and low intellectual ...

Sorry for the "..." but my work profanity filter blocked the source of that particular quote. Unfortunate because I want to know what it said. If your office is a little more lenient in relation to swear words maybe look it up for me here and post it so I won't be in the dark?




I am studying extreme programming at uni at the moment which is why I chose the one above.



They are geek jokes but I am still a fan.

Love to all
Jane

Jane's Valentines Day Special

This year the cheeky angel has taken a holiday where I am concerned. Which is actually fine by me. First Valentines Day by myself in a long time so I can do whatever I want. I am going to finish work shortly, then go home and sit on the couch with my beautiful flatmates and a semi-decent movie or junk TV (almost forgot to mention the bottle of wine! Silly me).



Sorry Cupid, I don't really wish you any harm but there are some amazing Valentines photographs lying around and I can't help but wish to share some of them.



Happy VD!







And lastly an educational image:



(Cheeky I know... sorry couldn't resist. You should see the ones I decided NOT to put up on this site!)

xox
Love to All
Jane

Saturday, February 12, 2011

My supervisor

My cat has been helping me study today.



Love to all
Xox
Jane

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Social Network

I know I have said this before but it is absolutely rediculous the number of social networking sites I am a member of. Blogger (of course), Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, I Skype, email, chat and have Whatsapp so that I can talk for free, message for free, email for free and still pay something in the vicinity of 150 dollars a month keeping myself connected. Just horrifying... and why? Because sometimes I do actually learn something that I would not have known otherwise... oh and I am hoplessly self absorbed. Anyway I did learn some things this week due to my social networking and thought I would share:

I joined Linked In (another social networking site) when I was looking for work a couple of years ago. I set up the profile and forgot about it pretty much the next day (I know how reckless it is to set up a profile with identifying information including address/phone number/place of work... and then forgetting about it. I am so glad no one wants to stalk me because I am almost a completely open book!)I didn't realise but I must have left it active and I received a friend request from my aunt (who is also my friend on facebook ... with these social networking sites it is a little bit incestuous). Anyway, after stalking her profile for a bit I noticed that she had a webpage and I am blown away by her work. I am so impressed that I am related to such a talented lady, especilly considering (and my blog is proof of this) that I myself am completely unremarkable when it comes to photography. Oh how I wish that artistic talent was genetic! Anyway, it is all in dutch and google translate completely let me down on this particular site (I have never before had a problem but for some reason it doesn't like this website?) but I think the pictures speak for themselves.

So I learnt that I have a talented relative... although I am not particularly surprised because that side of the family are really quite creative. My second learning of the week was actually face to face about a social network so I don't want to scare anyone with this post... I have real friends. In fact the friend who told me about this finding is a new friend (just to prove that I am capeable of making friends). Apparently Myspace is no longer focused on social networking and is instead more for musicians. He showed me a french band which I really like called "Les Ogres de Barback". Kind of strange but very easy to get into.

Have a great day everyone!
Love to all
xox
Jane

Sunday, February 6, 2011

All by myself...

I have the office all to myself right now. Calm before the storm I think because we have some executives from overseas dropping by at some point this morning. I got a heads up text message from my French boss ("The eagle has landed") about 20 mins ago, but until they arrive I am listening to INXS and Finger Eleven on my iPhone. Wooo! Party time...

As planned I got up early on Saturday and had breakfast with my friend. Poor girl was hung over and miserable about the night before (amazing how it seems so fun until the sun comes up). Spent an hour with her (because stupid city parking only allows 1 hour even on a Saturday! What the hell is that about?) I played ameture psychologist while we had scrambled eggs on toast in De'Greves St (thats one of the alley ways that makes Melbourne famous for food). Even though it was kind of raining it was still comfortable.

Speaking of rain! I drove down Chapel St in South Yarra on the way home and the main street had turned into a mini river almost up to the doors of my tiny Ford Festiva! Can I just quickly say that I am in no way complaining, there was no damage and no one was hurt (not even the cars) and I don't want to exaggerate because to be honest it didn't seem like we had that much rain (and nothing even close to the poor souls in Queensland)! Having said that, I couldn't beleive how much water was on the ground. My flatmates called it the "Great Flood of South Yarra" (and that is exaggerating). So what do you do when you have white water rapids only 100 meters from your house? Play in the rain!









The one above is our back pattio, you can see the giant drain in the middle just wasn't giant enough.

I just ran the spell checker and nothing came up... do you think that means that today I have perfect spelling? For some reason I doubt it... I think more likely that the checker is broken. And on that note,

xox
Love to All
Jane

Thursday, February 3, 2011

More efficient?

I really appreciate the idiosyncrasies of the people in my life. My friend from Brisbane has been in Melbourne for the last couple of days for work and I was watching him pack his bag last night and it made me laugh. He rolls up every article of clothing into tight scrolls and then packs them neatly next to each other. Apparently this saves space (because it is the only way he has ever done it... good logic right?).


Made me laugh anyway. We spent most of last night wandering around Melbourne from the Vietnamese food stores on Victoria Parade to Victoria Gardens shopping centre for late night shopping (which was mostly closed actually) and then into the city for "I Love Melbourne" t-shirts. Had room service wedges for dinner (even though I said I wouldn't eat his dinner I totally did) and then went home to crash out.

I am embarking on a training exercise this weekend. It is a "body clock" test to see if I am capeable of waking up and functioning prior to 8.30am. I have organised to have breakfast in the city with a friend at 8.30 am which I am really looking forward to and so will hopefully be motivated to get out of bed at 7.30 to be out the door by 8 and in the city on time. Work isn't a good enough motivator for me so I am going to try this instead. It would be really nice if I could actually enjoy my mornings instead of rolling out of bed late, tearing on my clothes and inhaling my breakfast as I rush to make it out the door in time for work. My social life is absolutely the thing that is keeping me going these days. Lucky I have such a brilliant crew! I have more friends trecking down this way from Brisbane and Perth this month which will be so good! I couldn't be more excited. Seriously!

Ok enough rambling for one day.

Love to all
Xox
Jane

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